Going to go away for this weekend. Just going to go get a hotel room. No one will know where I go just for the weekend. Turn off my phone and just lay in bed all day. I need to. One weekend. I just need to be alone. There’s way too much going on. I either need him to be there or I need to be alone. I need it.

Had my things packed and everything was set. It was going to be so fun. Maybe it stilk could be fun.. it will.

What have I learnt in my 19 years? Don’t trust people. Don’t let people get close because they could hurt you and that’s an unbearable pain. Have tons of secrets. Don’t let anyone know the deep things about you that you wouldn’t want everyone to know. Everyone will end up knowing. But one positive thing I’ve learnt is care for those around you. Even if they don’t deserve it, care. Even if life is going horribly, care for people. You might not get good karma out of it, but always care. I’m constantly told to stop getting walked over and that I shouldn’t be nice to people who treat me wrong. But in the end, I know I tried to be nice. I know that I put in the effort and them not returning it shows how bad of a person they are, not myself. So be kind. Do things for others. These are just a few things that I’ve learnt in the past 19 years. I will learn way more things as I go on, but I really hope it doesn’t hurt this much to learn these things.

I need to go home or just be alone for a while.Tempted to rent a hotel room just to be alone. 

I feel so unwanted by everyone I have spoke to and been around lately and today is just making it so much worse. I don’t have that person to lean on and I really need someone today. I need someone soon. Or else idk what will happen. I’m way too alone for this feeling lately. I can’t do it. I don’t even think I’ll make it the night anymore.